Procrastinator Procrastinates Procrastination

“Now is never the right time to start doing nothing,” local college student Eli Yates of Westchester, New York declared on Sunday night at the absolute last minute. “It’s just… whenever I think I should begin something, the option of waiting comes along.”



Yates, an expert procrastinator, sits in front of his calculus homework for hours on end, deciding to stare at his blank worksheets, desperately trying to find the right moment to never begin his homework. “It’s so hard, when little distractions like the concept of time come into play,” he explains of his hidden talent. “The hoards of emails I receive from angry professors are enough to remind me that my work as a procrastinator has really hit it off. ‘It’s been two weeks since your last essay’ they'll email me. I say they haven’t seen my best work yet.”





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