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Valentine's Day Poems From Anyone But Your Crush

heart candies with words on a pink plate

Your Acoustic Guitar Boyfriend

Roses are red,

My album just dropped

Can we just talk about that all day

Wait… why is your picture of us cropped?

Your Credit Score Provider

Roses are red,

Your credit score is ugly

Sorry to be harsh…

Now give us that student loan money.

Your Acting Instructor

Roses are red,

What does it mean to act?

Being completely yourself,

But keep it very abstract.

valentines day heart cookies and milk on red table

Your Friend Who’s Obsessed With Dogs

Roses are red,

I know you’re just walking-

And didn’t ask for this,

But can I pet your puppy

While it stops to take a piss?

The Person You’re Avoiding at All Costs

Roses are red,

How have you been?

I always see you places,

But you’re gone when I look again.

Your Yogi Friends

Roses are red,

Want to do yoga...?

Want to do yoga...??


How are those for Valentine's Day poems?

Copyright © 2021 Oona O'Brien. All rights reserved.


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